MY FATHER’S LEGACY
MY FATHER’S LEGACY
Few days from now, I will be celebrating my 7th Wedding Anniversary. When we talk of weddings, it is always part of every girl's dream to have her dad beside her, to accompany her while she walks down the aisle, and give her away to her groom. When I was a girl, although I did not imagine myself in my own wedding, I always thought that my Papa (that's how I addressed my father) would eventually be there on my big day. Without any foresight or whatsoever, I never thought that that would be a far-off from what would actually happen on my wedding day as I lost him 17 years ago today.
My father was an extraordinary man. When I say, "extraordinary", it means that he was exceptionally talented, a man of utmost wisdom, intelligent and smart, serious, but rather witty, and respectable in every way. In spite of this, humility had always been on every bit of his senses.
I heard from my father many times telling us that education begins at home. Education, so to speak, is the teachings best learned by examples, actions, and experiences. In our household, the most important lesson we were taught constantly and unceasingly is to exhibit the "agape" love. Agape is defined in Wikipedia as love: esp. compassion, forgiveness, charity; the love of God for man and of man for God. That is what my parents wanted to be the common ground in our family.
My father, being the only child, grew up alone. He had an older half sister that, although they formed a very close relationship and deeply loved each other, did not grow up with him; and so, when my father got married, he wanted to have as many offspring as he could produce resulting to nine of us.
My father’s unfaltering faith was tested when my middle sister, Pamela, was suddenly stricken with an ailment that the doctors couldn’t diagnose. Three days after her confinement at the hospital, she died at the age of 19 on Valentine’s Day in 1986. I was devastated to say the least, but I couldn’t imagine the pain my parents had to endure. Along with my mother, my father kept assuring me that everything happened for a reason, a reason I would never fathom…only God knows.
Pamela and I were very close; we even slept together in bed. I still can remember how I wished I could bring back those times when my sister was just upon my grasp and to get to see her even for just a fleeting glimpse. If I only had the hindsight of permanently losing her, I should have done everything she would have wanted, to please her, and to make her happy. But, I couldn’t bring back time. Upon realizing that, I vowed and instilled it on my mind that I would do everything for my loved ones who are still around me. Because of that, I did the best I could to be a good daughter to my parents, or to anyone I love. I learned that life’s lesson the hard way.
In 1999, thirteen years after my sister’s death, my father got terminally ill. In other words, he had cancer. He was 58 years old, still considered young to be inflicted with that kind of disease. It was the least thing we would all ever expected to hear and, despite of my father’s failing body, it is something neither of us saw coming. Even adding insult to the injury, the doctor gave us the tentative days left for my father to live. When I heard it, nothing but a dark cloud overshadowed my mind that briefly helped eclipsed my faith. I ran to the hospital's chapel and asked God, "Why, Lord?, Why him? He was not just a great man but a man of God!" I reiterated this same question over and over on my mind that day. I never questioned God that way ever before, but what would you expect from a daughter who was about to lose her father whom she loved and adored the most? It was just hard to process that the disease had knocked him off his course and shattered all of his missions and visions in life. Surely, momentum like that is very hard to digest and at that spur of the moment, I tried to justify my reaction as normal…to question God.
My father had been bedridden at the hospital for weeks before his real disease was made known to us. We've been hopping from one hospital to another - the best hospitals there was possible - but neither one of them could really distinguish what his disease was, not until a few months later when he only had a few months left to his life. He suffered, and to say that - was even an understatement. Witnessing him every day with that situation made us all felt weak. It was not only physically exhaustive but more on mentally and emotionally draining for all of us. It’s just so hard to contain how physically and emotionally painful it must have been for him. What was amazing 'though, and surprisingly, he who was physically the weakest, was the one seemed to be emotionally and spiritually the strongest among us. It left us in awe and sort of hard to wrap around our heads at that time.
One day at the hospital, he called me up onto his bed when he saw me in tears. He was sitting on his bed and, while gently caressing my hair, he told me, "Remember our favorite verse, Romans 8:28?" Looking down, I nodded and together, we recited the verse,
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" – Romans 8:28
After saying the verse, I looked up unto him and saw this frail, sick face and yet I could see the glow in his eyes and a smiling, happy face. I was amazed in disbelief, but what I truly had seen in him was this man with nothing short of a remarkable steadfast faith. That day, when he told me this, and when I saw those joyful smiles of his, was the day when we all learned his days were numbered.
I looked down again with my heart and mind still in denial. He held my hand with an assuring grip and said, "It will be OK. Be strong, be tough as you have always been. Whatever happens, always remember God. Everything will come to an end and so is mine. Take heed unto God’s words and my teachings. You know you can always count on God, can’t you?"
My father always had his Bible with him and he always read verses to us. He grabbed the Bible by his bedside, read verses and these were one of those that I remembered.
"The LORD is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?" – Psalms 27:1
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." – Psalms 23:4
He further stated, "Just think of what Job had gone through. What we’re going through right now is nothing compared to him." Still devastated and distraught, I muttered, "But we’re losing you. Soon, before we realize it, you’ll leave and we can’t ever see you again." He said, "You won’t lose me, never will. Just as we believe and know that God is with us although we haven’t seen him face-to-face. That’s faith. That is the with me, I’ll be with you ‘though you don’t see me in physical form."
While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. – 2 Corinthians 4:18
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." – Joshua 1:9
Somehow, I felt some light in my heart and yes, some relief on my chest. I looked up at his face again, this time, with my smirk, I thought, "Wow, how could you be this strong? You’re even the one giving us strength, instead of us to you." My father’s stoicism was an evident of his unwavering conviction, faith and love to God which gave him strength to withstand his physical pains. Throughout his life, he had always braved out all the hurdles in life that were thrown at him - that even solidified his faith. I’ve witnessed that in him since my understanding of life, and for that, he became my hero…and to many others. That is one of his legacies: to touch many people's lives.
As days went by, my father’s body kept thinning as his illness mercilessly consumed him. However, he greeted every challenge each day with singular resilience.
(16)"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. (17) For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison." – 2 Corinthians 4:16-17
I always sat by his bedside everyday. Looking at him, my eyes would just pour with tears but with his constant assurances, this time, I learned some acceptance. Throughout those times of our predicament, I neither heard him complained nor questioned God, instead, he always sang praises to Him. That is the most remarkable thing I’ve ever witnessed in a person in the height of an utmost adversity. He accepted this with grace and bliss.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith". - 2 Timothy 4:7
My father was one busy man. Having to raise nine children gave him the stamina to work overload. Aside from working as the City Budget Officer, he also had to wrestle the time for his early morning radio news reporting, writing for our city newspaper, writing to some church magazines in the USA for the last few years of his life, and many others. He was also the first local TV anchorman. His plate might be too full, but he always spared time for his greatest love and passion, and conviction – to serve the Lord and preach the gospel. He felt most fulfilled and proudest holding the title as a preacher rather than his position in the government. My father always prioritized the Lord at all cost.
"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" - Mark 8:36
Growing up, my family would have our devotionals everyday on or before 5:00am, except on Sundays since it is a church day. When I was a kid, I really hated it! I was sleepy and all I cared was to be in bed. I didn’t care listening to spiritual messages and, I guess that is quite acceptable in a child. I hated being awake so early, and I even hated it more when it was my turn to pray (we always ended our devotional with a chain prayer so each of us had to say our prayers loudly for everyone to hear).
That was years ago… When my brothers and sister started having their own lives, we hardly had time to get intact and “devotional” time had been elusive. I started to really miss it. When I look back, I still have that vivid picture of us gathered together, listening to my father’s spiritual messages…then. I begin to feel the yearning. We may have missed some sleep, but he was giving us what’s more important than what our bodies need. He was feeding us with spiritual foods. It’s something that can’t be taken away from us. That's how he truly manifested his love to us!
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." – 2 Corinthians 4:16
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God— this is your true and proper worship. (2) Do not conform the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” – Romans 12:1-2
As I grew up, of course, I learned to love doing the devotional. It is very special. Of course, I learn to love praying; it has been my ritual on a daily basis. It is my armor, my shield, my tool to confidently face the world. It is my supplication to God; my communication with Him. It’s just like talking to a father, to a friend who knows you more than anybody else, even more than you know of yourself.
"Pray without ceasing." – 1 Thessalonians 5:17
"Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints" – Ephesians 6:18
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God." – Philippians 4:6
Had it not been for my father’s teachings and living by example, I wouldn’t have known how to live the way I should.
Father carefully molded me like clay materialized with spiritual words derived from the Bible, and wisdom for me to balance the difference between good and evil. This is supposed to help me become better person, if not at my best. Irrevocable fact is, no one is perfect and I am no exception to that. There were times I was swayed by wrongdoings but I thank my father for I became conscientious. Most importantly, I thank him for introducing me God in my life. I don’t have an earthly father that I fear to fail anymore, but I still have my heavenly father who has magnified my every action.
"The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good." – Proverbs 15:3
"For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."– Ecclesiastes 12:14
My father may have left us physically but his legacy lingers on. His teachings have propelled me on my everyday life and to those that were inspired by him. Those times of his presence, we, his children, always had our pieces of advice every single day. This dosage of advice was his deposits for each one of us to collect as "wisdom" later on in life to properly function our lives.
My father may have lost his battle over his sickness but if there’s a silver lining to this story, it’s the fact that we come up with a whole new appreciation of and for life. For now, I’ll just cling onto the memories we’ve built together. They’re very happy, wonderful memories. It’s so consoling for me knowing that I had made him happy. I know I had had some setbacks because I’m just human being to err, but I know, for the most part, I had pleased him. Now, I’m smiling and thanking myself for being good, if not great, daughter to him. I might not have forgiven myself if I had been otherwise.
Parents raise your child accordingly. They may not understand it for now but later in life it may bring them into a better place.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." – Proverbs 22:6
And to those children whose fathers are still around, you are very lucky! Tell them – your dad and mom – how you feel while you still can. Remember, actions speak louder than words. My father said, "Love is not love until it is given away" and so love is manifested by both actions and words. Death is inevitable but not predictable as to when so let them feel loved, valued, and respected as they deserve for you don’t know how long they will be visible to you. No better time than now to execute those while they still can feel it, while they still can appreciate it.
If there was a way that I could see my father right now for one day, just really one day, I would do that in a heartbeat in any way I could. But that is impossible in every sense. However, you still have and you still can. Be thankful you still have that opportunity right now. And when they’re gone, it will somehow be comforting for you knowing you made them happy.
1 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6:1
2 "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), Ephesians 6:2
3 "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." Ephesians 6:3
4 "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." – Ephesians 6:4
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." – Exodus 20-12
Life can throw a many curveballs at us along the way but we will remain grounded with our unyielding faith and devotion to our almighty God. Let his words be our compass on how we ought to behave and respond as christians.
As for my father? This was his parting wish...his last wish:
"One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple." - Psalms 27:4
"The family should be a closely knit group. The home should be a self-contained shelter of security; a kind of school where life’s basic lessons are taught; and a kind of church where God is honored; a place where wholesome recreation and simple pleasures are enjoyed." – Billy Graham
